3 Deaths | The Fear of being Forgotten

In our perspective, death seems to be a final destination. It might not be for every single person, but for most of us, it is the case. Scientifically speaking, after you are dead, if you are burned, you get scattered as heat back to the cosmos that engendered you - stardust. You become food for the worms if you are buried. The way you kept yourselves dining on nature the same way you are dined back by nature to keep itself alive. Spiritually we see death as another dimension. You are not your body, not your mind. You are more than that. But frankly, no matter how much we spiritualize or rationalize death but it doesn't assure us in our bereavement. Even if we ignore our own death but we are still shaken by other's demise. Death is a loss without the possibility of being found. Once one is lost, you don't find him ever again. But we don't lose ourselves all at once. We gradually disappear. It's a layered disappearance. In Mexican culture, death is not one single event. If we look beyond the physicality of death, we don't die once but thrice.

Day of the Dead

The first death is when we become aware of our mortal nature. Eventually, I will die. As a kid, everything appears to be infinite. Everything is to be witnessed and learned for the very first time. The virginal notice of the world is so delightful that we live in a garden of Eden. But as we grow up, there comes a time when we realize our temporary existence for the very first time. That we are not here forever and neither are those people who are everything to us in our childhood; our parents. This affects our forever blooming nature and takes away our innocence. As a kid, life is a play.  And we don't play to win or are scared to lose. We play the game because it is meant to be played. We play to keep the game going. But once we learn about the inevitable end of the game, we change the way we play. We start desiring to win. We start prioritizing things around us. What's important and what's not. It changes the way we see the world. Our curiosity, joy, and unending happiness start to fade. It changes us forever. And this is the first death. 

Read More - The Story of Mortal Beings

Our second death is when we actually die. When our body stops working. When our biological organs fail, and we stop breathing. This is the definition of death in the dictionary. Death is inevitable and also unpredictable. Anyone can die anywhere anytime without any foresight. People die in accidents, in natural disasters, sometimes in a war. if not you live long enough to die old. You can delay it but can never avoid it. And this bothers us. We haven't yet made peace with it. This is unfair because we are not just alive we also have good reasons to be. We are not just alive we have found ourselves. We make meaning out of this life. We make ambitions. We start identifying ourselves with the things around us. We become aware of our existence. We are not human beings. We are human becoming. And all these to stop all of sudden is indeed a tragedy. And this is the second death after which we are given a funeral. 

Recommended Book "The Denial of Death"

But this is not the end. Though we are not here in this world sitting beside someone. Though we are not present in someone's celebration or giving them a shoulder in their grief but we exist in their memories. We are alive in their interactions and we die the third time when we no longer exist in people’s minds. When we are forgotten. If you are not Buddha or DaVinci, there will come a time when someone somewhere will take your name for the last time. And that is the third death, also called as final death in Mexican culture. Unless you are a legend, there will come a point when people will no longer remember you. After your parents, siblings, your partner, and your children generally people tend to forget you. It takes two generations, and your existence is meaningless. That's why fame is so appealing to many. It gives you a chance at immortality. That people will care about you after your death. You will matter. And the fear of not leaving a legacy scares many people. And it is understood. We do anything we can to deny our decay. We want to be here. It doesn't matter physically or symbolically. We want to exist forever. 

But this is unrealistic. You can do whatever you can – carve out your name on rocks, build monuments or you can even win this world but one day you will also be forgotten. On a long enough timeline, everyone will be forgotten. Whether it takes 100 years or 10000 years, it is just a matter of time. And understanding this is emancipation. It dissolves our ego, it calms our desperation. It makes us work with our futile existence. And this also is freedom. 

Don't Live in the hope of becoming a memory. Live because you are Alive

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This article is inspired from THE THREE MEXICAN DEATHS